But the #1 moment that plays on repeat in my brain is when Bush held a press conference in Iraq, and journalist Muntadhar al-Zaidi pitched both of his shoes at Bush’s head. Obviously, al-Zaidi’s aim was incredible, but I have to begrudgingly hand it to Bush for dodging those shoes like a champ. As for Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki…that was some weak defense, bro. One Tea Party Republican was Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell. In 1999, O’Donnell had gone on Bill Maher’s Politically Incorrect and said “I dabbled into witchcraft. I never joined a coven. But I did, I did. I dabbled into witchcraft.” Fast forward to 2010, and Christine O’Donnell was running to fill Joe Biden’s vacant Senate seat. Cue one of the most unhinged political ads of the modern era, which began with the iconic line, “I’m not a witch. I’m nothing you’ve heard. I’m you.” Sure, Jan. In the Town Hall presidential debate, Romney was asked about how he’d make sure his cabinet would include diversity, and his answer included the phrase “binders full of women.” That may seem tame compared to today’s political gaffes, but I assure you social media had a field day with this one. P90X’s creator, Tony Horton, was a stand-up comedian before his pivot to fitness, and I’m convinced his entire workout empire was one long comedic bit so that one day he could con a weasel of a politician into humiliating himself in a national publication. Excellent work, Tony. (And Netflix, give this man a special immediately!!) Although the duration of The Sip™️ was no more than five seconds, every viewer lived a thousand lifetimes as those seconds stretched on for what felt like an eternity. Vermont and a large portion of New York state acquired an Atlantic shoreline. Connecticut and Rhode Island replaced New Hampshire and Maine. And Massachusetts, New Hampshire, and Maine acquired dual American-Canadian citizenship. This is the future that liberals want. This revelation was wild, but it wasn’t even the first time Ted Cruz was outed as a canned soup aficionado. Previously, Ted Cruz revealed to Us Weekly that “when I’m away from the family, in Washington, D.C., my dinner is a can of soup. I have dozens in the pantry.” There’s never been a better argument against an all-soup diet. Jeb! We hardly knew thee (and it was still too long). Ironically, Johnson was answering a question about how if he were allowed on the debate stage, hordes of voters would consider him a serious contender and throw support behind his candidacy. Well, I’m convinced! Rumor has it Hillary Clinton still roams the Chappaqua woods to this day, imploring bewildered passers-by to “Pokémon GO-to-the-polls!” And let’s be honest: Who among us hasn’t wanted to pull a Homer Simpson at some point and hide from all our problems by becoming one with a hedge? *For legal purposes I am not, in fact, “certain.” —Oz, a long-time New Jersey resident, moving to Pennsylvania specifically to run for Senate. —Oz’s attempt to relate to PA’s hardworking blue-collar voters by filming a 39-second video of his crudités shopping trip at Wegner’s. —The most unforced error in the history of politics: Giving a speech with Matt Gaetz in front of Hitler’s car. (Unfortunately, both men failed to ask themselves, “Are we the baddies?”) It’s unclear how this campaign will shake out for Oz, but the damage is done. Once you’ve been publicly linked to Hitler’s car, not even the strongest miracle cure on Earth can erase that image from the public consciousness.
