So, I made five gallons of sugar water, which I sprayed over every single inch of carpet, upholstery, bedding, under furniture, in drawers, under major appliances, on the walls, the ceiling. Every crevice imaginable. I thought I’d never get to know the outcome, but I saw a few different pest control vehicles along the curb over the past couple of months, which was already satisfying because he is a major DIYer. Side note: I pass his place on my way to work; I’m not a stalker, it’s just the fastest route. Then, I saw a moving vehicle for him and a for sale sign. Absolutely no regrets." —u/RelativeExistence TL;DR: Cheating ex ignored ant problem for months, so this woman sprayed sugar water all over his house before she moved out. Shortly after I was shed of him, I took a job as a receptionist with a bill collector agency. This was when computers were first beginning to be used. I was told there were boxes of bills in the back that hadn’t been entered, as they had gone into collection before the computers were installed. They weren’t so old as to be uncollectible, but they weren’t the priority. Knowing what a deadbeat he was, I used a lunch hour one day to take a look. Sure enough…he had more than $10,000 total in bills from a dozen different businesses. So, I entered them all into the computer with his current contact information, including the jobs he was working where he was being paid under the table. I assigned it to the agency’s most aggressive collector. He even let me listen in on the first call he made to the guy. It was immensely satisfying. And even better a few months later when the ex left town to go live with his sister." —u/MerelyWhelmed1 TL;DR: Ex spouse gets perfect revenge after landing a job at a bill collection agency and finding abusive ex’s overdue bills. And then, I left." —u/QueenCitten96 TL;DR: Abusive, cheating boyfriend is deathly afraid of frogs, so she put a bunch of frogs in his apartment when he wasn’t home. One day, I’m scrolling on Instagram, and I see my boyfriend in the background of a picture posted to our local bar’s page. He was supposed to be at work, and I’d never been given a reason not to trust him, so I figured it was an older picture as we go there a couple times a month. But when he got home, he was wearing the same blue button-up and jeans. I had a horrible feeling in my stomach, but I didn’t say anything. That night, I went through his phone; yeah, yeah, I know, but idc. We’ve always shared passwords and have never had an issue with using each other’s phones. When I checked his messages, I saw a chain with someone named ‘Jack.’ We didn’t know a Jack, so I read through them, and my heart just fucking breaks. I’ve known my best friend since we were in diapers; I know how she texts. But I checked the number just to be sure, and yep, they were talking behind my back. Not just talking, though, there were pictures and mentions of sexual acts that had happened. I spent the night crying and sending myself all of the screenshots and everything I could find. By morning, I realized that I can’t just confront them. I need to prepare. So, I set out to put money aside. I tell him our fridge is broken, so I’m using some of our savings to fix it; we need a plumber for this or a handyman for that. All lies, but I needed a reason to pull money out of the account we both had access to. It took me two months, but I was able to pull enough out to put a deposit and pay a couple months in advance on a new apartment that I found that was closer to work and pet-friendly. I was able to slowly move stuff there while he was at work (I told him I was doing some spring cleaning to clear out the clutter). In the meantime…I’d mention things about each other that would cause drama, like telling Max that Amy talked about a cute guy from work, or telling Amy that Max mentioned marriage and kids with me. The day before I was leaving, I set my plan onto motion. I knew where my best friend went for lunch most days of the week, so I watched and waited. When she arrived, I went in and pretended I didn’t want to throttle her for breaking my trust and my heart. We sat down and chatted, and I slyly mentioned sex with Max. In their messages, she told him that she didn’t want him to sleep with me. Apparently, she’d become quite possessive of my BF. I made comments about how sore I was because we did it rough just like I like it. How good he was at oral, you name it, I mentioned it. Her face got redder and redder, and it was amazing to watch. Later that day, I go home, and once again pretend that everything is normal. But I sit down on the couch with him and snuggle up to him while he watches TV. After about 20 minutes, I straddle him and ask him how his day was and blah blah blah. Then, I bring up that I ran into Amy at lunch and ‘You’ll never guess who she was with!’ I told him how Amy was with Dave (her real-life coworker that has hung out with us multiple times) and how it’s so cute that they’re dating now. When I say he froze, I don’t think he even breathed. He just sort of muttered, ‘I didn’t know she was seeing someone.’ So, I tell him all about how I caught them kissing, and after Dave left to go back to work, Amy told me all about their amazing sex life. And of course, I had to add in there that Dave was the first guy to give her a real O and how she’s always had to fake it with guys before. I’ve never seen him look so dejected before. That night, I asked that we do a phone-free night, which we’d do often so that we could be in our own bubble. I could tell that he was a little hesitant, but he turned his phone off and put it in the basket we use for it. We watched a movie and cuddled on the couch, and he stayed as stiff as a board for the majority of it before he relaxed enough to fall asleep on the couch. Once he was out, I grabbed his work phone and sent out a contact list-wide email about how I may be in a bad mood for the next couple of weeks because my mistress gave me the clap. Then, I changed the passcode on it and turned it off. I knew that he wouldn’t turn it on until he got to his worksite that was 40 minutes away. As soon as he was out the door, I immediately packed my bags, important papers, and the dogs, and left. I also unscrewed most lightbulbs, took the batteries out of the remote, took the router plugin so he wouldn’t have Wi-Fi and cranked the AC up to 80°F. When I got to my new place, I sent her a text asking how my p**y tastes and then blocked them both. Then, I posted screenshots to my FB and let everyone know what horrible people they were." —u/ADiscoveryofMe TL;DR: Her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend, and she found out by going through his phone. So, she saved up to move out of her apartment, drove a wedge between them by making them jealous, and then, sent an email to her boyfriend’s entire contact list and posted on Facebook revealing them as cheaters. So, after our first year of marriage, I came to the conclusion I wanted to end our marriage. It wasn’t working out for many reasons. However, my ex-wife did not want to divorce. Her life was better being married to me than without me, and I think she was trying to hold on to that. But there was no love. My ex-wife set a price of $100,000 to agree to a divorce. This does happen here, where if one party wants a divorce and the other doesn’t, the party that doesn’t want the divorce comes up with a cash payment they want, and you negotiate from there. Now, I didn’t have $100,000. I could get about $25,000…and I was willing to pay that (also, we had no kids, we didn’t own anything together, etc.). We spent a long time going back and forth over money and how much I’d pay her to divorce me. She finally agreed. I was thrilled. I was so happy. I decided I would go out and celebrate, and that night, the stars aligned. Now, to give you an idea of how utterly lucky I am about to get, we lived in a city about the size of Chicago (many millions of people, lots of places to go). My friend took me to a new bar in a part of the city I had NEVER been to before. We celebrated; we had a good time. I walk out of the bar around 2:30 a.m., and it was like fucking Christmas. There was my wife…with another man I had a hunch she was cheating on me with…and I was so happy. She was heading for a taxi, and I ran and got into a taxi behind her and told the cab driver to follow them. Much to my enjoyment, the taxi was clearly going to MY HOUSE. She gets out, I pull out the camera, and I get a few pictures of her kissing this man. Once I get the photos, I get out the car and approach the two lovebirds. I introduce myself, I thank the kind gentleman, and I make one request. IF they want to have sex, don’t have sex in my house…but that’s all. I then hand her lover my business card. I thank him for ALL the money he’s saved me and tell him if he ever wants to go grab a beer, I’d be happy to buy him a few rounds. I then wish the two lovebirds all the best and go upstairs and head to bed. To say my ex-wife was livid was an understatement. However, the next morning, she pointed out something, and I have no idea how strong her argument could be in a courtroom…but it did concern me. She said since we already agreed to divorce, it wasn’t really cheating. And I would still have to pay her. Well, that afternoon, I get a phone call. It’s my ex-wife’s boyfriend. … He apologized for sleeping with my ex-wife. I told him no worries. He then said he’d like to talk to me. We agree to meet up, and we do. Turns out, he had previously been cheated on, and apparently, my ex-wife lied to him about his relationship status. She said we were waiting for our divorce to be finalized (which was not true) and that she didn’t live with me anymore (which was not true). He also asked me if I had sex with her in the last six months, and I said I did. Turns out, their relationship had began about six months prior, and they were sexually active with each other. And she told him she wasn’t having sex with anyone, especially me. Whoops! I asked him if he had any documentation of them dating, and he goes, yeah. He ended up sending me all the pictures he took of them together, some of which included him kissing her, etc. He also sent me numerous screenshots of text messages between her and him, some of which included her clearly lying about her relationship status with me. I put all of this in a folder, and backed it up to numerous places to include a USB drive, which I hid in my office at work in case she found a way to delete the data (which she never did). I then went to my ex-wife, and I had a sitdown with her. I went over the mountain of evidence I had against her. She agreed to [a] non-contested divorce. I actually ended up becoming friends with the guy that was banging my wife, and we still talk today." —u/redditadmindumb87 TL;DR: Husband wants divorce, wife refuses unless he pays tens of thousands of dollars. Husband happens to catch wife cheating, befriends her boyfriend, and uses evidence from him to get a non-contested divorce. Fred took it rather well, all things considered. (They weren’t getting along, and he found out later she was having an affair.) He did multiple things to attempt to make the divorce easy, including creating a complete itemized inventory list of all belongings, made her a copy, and asked that she check off what she wanted. It soon became the divorce from hell. Her demands became more and more ludicrous, and the attorney fees kept increasing. So, he eventually caved in and agreed to her every demand. Fast-forward about 18 months later. The divorce is finalized. During this time, Fred has met another woman. They get married shortly after the divorce is done. The ex-wife shows up one day and is in tears. The man whom she left Fred for has dumped her. Fred and his new wife are gracious and console her. Fred is a nice guy and is polite during this, but he’s still harboring a lot of resentment. This starts a weird relationship. Ex-wife started calling Fred and the new wife just to talk and would even drop by on occasion. During one phone call, in which she asks to ‘borrow’ some money, Fred brings up the funeral plots he had purchased when they were married. He offers to buy her plot instead of ’loaning’ her money (he knew she’d never pay it back anyway). She agrees, but demands a crazy number (20 grand? Can’t remember). Fred is livid. He’s had enough of her. CUE THE REVENGE. Fred stewed on this for a while, and then a fortuitous opportunity came along. The stepfather of the ex-wife died unexpectedly. The ex despised him and had nothing to do with the man (he’d divorced her mother years ago). Fred liked him, though. Even went to the funeral. When speaking with the other family members, he learned that there were no preplanned funeral arrangements, and money was tight. Fred stepped up and donated his funeral plot for the burial. This is the plot that is beside her funeral plot. The one she wanted to sell to Fred (which he already paid for). She refused to attend the funeral, so she doesn’t yet know about Fred’s generosity. Now, it’s a waiting game. One day, she’ll find out." —u/Solo1961 TL;DR: Fred’s cheating ex-wife tries to ask for a huge amount of money for a burial plot Fred had purchased while they were married. Instead, Fred donates his burial plot — next to hers — to the ex’s stepfather, whom she hates. We started dating, kept it low-key. Few months into it, he loses his job, asks me to help, and I do. Start paying for his rent, utilities, entertainment etc. I’m an independent, self-made woman who can afford it, and I thought, if your partner is down, you help them, right? One year into the relationship, I find out he has been cheating on me with multiple women and taking money from them all, and is living at a friend’s house and pays no rent. When I confronted him, he blocked and ghosted me without a reply, and he ended up living with one of the girls, telling her she was the one he loved and that I and the other girls were mistakes. I think, huh, I get no explanation or apology. Well, okay, I’ll fuck up what you love most. Contacted all the people in the guild who had also become my friends and ended up becoming closer to me because of my personality, and also because my ex had gotten a toxic attitude problem where he thought he was better than them all. Every single person leaves from the guild and blocks him, called his best friends (a couple), told them what he did, and they blocked him and have cut ties. His #1-ranked guild falls to #10,000+, just one of the masses. He never apologizes to me or reaches out. Contacts me three months later on another platform to tell me I’m an asshole who ruined his whole reputation, and then proceeds to gaslight me by calling me a liar for telling his friends those things. Find out later he made a fake profile pretending to be someone else and is flirting with other women now, while still living with the girl because he still has no job and she is his meal ticket." —u/Dizzy-Pollution-7321 TL;DR: Woman finds out ex is cheating and taking money from her and other women, so she dissolves his guild in his favorite online video game. After a while of it, she got petty revenge any time he would try to argue about stupid stuff. She was the only one in the house that did house chores — dishes, laundry, etc. She used different detergents when she did laundry since she bought whatever was the cheapest, and he had a minor sensitivity to anything but one name brand [detergent] (it just caused him to itch and be a bit uncomfortable), so on nights he’d pick fights, she’d do her normal thing of just waiting for it to blow over, and then, she’d wash his clothes in her detergent. He’d come home complaining about the itch. Every time he argued, he’d go to work uncomfortable and never knew why — but he did eventually realize no arguing meant no itch, so I guess it did work. The relationship did not last long, but I still found it beautifully petty when she told me, and I’m proud to have her as a mom, and I now know where my pettiness comes from." —u/Gwenpool182 TL;DR: Woman’s boyfriend throws adult tantrums, so she uses a laundry detergent that he’s slightly allergic to every time he picks a fight with her. Fast-forward a few months later, he started dating this girl. Now, when he and I were dating, I had lent him a book I thought he’d enjoy which was one of my favorites. I hadn’t gotten it back yet, and when I tried asking for it back, his girlfriend mostly replied being really protective and a little rude. I got her number and explained to her this whole situation and found out he lied to her and made me out to be this psychotic bitch who wanted to ‘steal him back,’ which explains why she was so defensive in the first place. She made a plan to get my book behind his back, and we hung out, and I finally got my book back, and she dumped him. This was in 2015, and we’re still friends! Years later, I bumped into him at a pub, and he gave me a pretty sincere apology. I took it and forgave him, and then never spoke to him again. It was just so nice gaining a new friend and getting my book back after months of trying." —u/Katerina1996 TL;DR: Ex-boyfriend trash-talks OP to their friends and refuses to return OP’s favorite book, so OP befriends ex’s new girlfriend, gets their book back, and remains friends with the new girlfriend to this day. Before everything went to total shit, I was building a custom guitar for them. I’m talking bare bones, did almost all of the electrical work and assembly myself. I was almost finished with it before I finally snapped out of it (because someone literally messaged me with proof that B was dating another person), and we broke up, and I blocked them on everything. Yet, somehow months later, they managed to text me harassing me to ‘give the guitar back.’ I tried everything to get B to stop contacting me, but it got to a point of borderline stalking, and I decided to give it to them. So, I got the guitar from storage and completely disassembled it. Even took out the frets and custom inlays. Put all the screws, pegs, switches, knobs, etc. into a Ziploc bag, and took the extra research and effort to switch the tone and volume connections. Then, I neatly packaged it up, and left it on their front porch with a note saying, ‘Figure it out.’" —u/9ofDiamondss TL;DR: OP’s ex was manipulative and cheated, and asked for a custom guitar after the breakup that OP had done most of the work on. So, OP disassembled the entire guitar and returned it in pieces. My ex was extremely fatphobic and verbally abusive to me, to the point where he would say I’m an ugly, fat btch, he’s not attracted to me, and he could do so much better. This went on for three months, because I’m a sucker for being downtrodden into dog poop apparently. One day, I had had enough of it, so I broke up with him. Few months later, I was scrolling Facebook and came upon his Facebook profile. Me being the petty queen, I made a fake Facebook account of a pretty, ‘skinny,’ blonde girl. I friend requested him, and we started chatting. I pretended to be this demure, feminine, flirty girl, which I knew he absolutely adored from women. Hook, line, and sinker, he fell in love with her after a week. Started telling her all his deepest, darkest secrets, complaining about his life (dropped out of school at grade 7, was working dead end jobs). I played the supportive, kind, considerate, and ‘submissive’ girl that he had always wanted. Took me a month, but I started saying we should meet, and wink wink. This definitely got his motor running, and he was raring to go to meet this ’love of his life.’ I gave him an address for him to meet ‘her,’ which was five hours away from him, and he drove all the way there! He kept messaging and messaging this ‘girl’ saying, ‘Where are you?’ ‘I’m here!’ The guy even went to the apartment manager’s office and asked if this girl lived there, to be told there’s no such person! I soon deleted the Facebook profile and still relish in him sitting there, looking like a dumbass, waiting for this ‘perfect’ girl to be swept off her feet. I have no regrets for my pettiness." —u/Past-Ad9848 TL;DR: Ex was verbally abusive and anti-fat, so OP catfished him and made him drive five hours to meet an imaginary person. I got these little noisemakers, battery-powered ones the size of a quarter that emit sounds at just the right volume that you aren’t sure if you really heard it, so quiet that two people could be sitting in an average sized room, and while one can barely hear it, the other wouldn’t hear a thing. They last ages and fit perfectly in light fixtures and in wall outlets. I got a box of 20 of them for, like, $100 on eBay and got so creative all over the house, her car. I even hid them in a boat her father got her (rich family, and she grew up sailing). Now, these little bastards make a noise at completely random intervals, could be minutes, could be hours, could take a whole day off. They cycle noises like children laughing, a ‘dying breath,’ as they called it, a whistle, scratching noises, some other ones I can’t remember, but you get the idea. It was so unpredictable; it was near impossible for someone to just figure it out. Months go by, I get a new place, get my life back up. Now, we had a few friends in common, and one of them I kept up with. They were kinda sour about how she ended things, but they had grown up together and kept up the friendship, loosely talking and catching up on occasion. I never really asked about her, but one day, we get to talking, and he’s wanting to prank some friends on a camping trip, so I tell him about the noisemakers. As I’m telling him about them, he slowly starts making this face, like he’s gradually losing his shit. He’s got this huge grin on his face and asks me, ‘You put these in (ex) shit, didn’t you!?’ And when I admit, he starts laughing hysterically. Turns out, her new boyfriend had only lasted a few months, and had left telling her that he couldn’t handle whatever was going on with them and their mental states. Turns out, for a while, they had both heard things, and sometimes, only one would hear them, which gave the illusion that something really fucked with them was going on in their heads at different times. They couldn’t figure it out, and eventually, he wanted out completely, and ended it, believing he had been infected with some brain worm the government was putting in vaccines or something like that. It was amazing. I hadn’t expected to hear anything about it. I rode that train for weeks. When it went away, I got another hit of that high. She moved out, told her parents she didn’t want the house and to give it to her brother or sell it. Wouldn’t tell them why. I always tell people who ask about her that I hold no grudge, and don’t tell them the part where I totally fucked with her so bad I overshot the ‘got her back’ stage and hit the blissful state of satisfied with my work." —u/DJ_Duke_of_spook TL;DR: OP’s ex told them to move out of their shared apartment after a work trip where the ex met a new guy, so OP hid tiny noisemakers all over the place, causing the ex and her new boyfriend to think they were losing their sanity.
