“I was in such a bad place emotionally at the time that I still stayed with him for months — I was afraid of being alone. Things only ended after nine months because he moved to another city for work. He always viewed me as a short-term thing, and I always hoped for more. “I was left behind feeling used and unlovable. My biggest regret was not ending things then and there.” —Anonymous, New York “The marriage was over within three months.” —Anonymous, 50, Oregon “After all these situations, she would call or text trying to make up, saying she was in a bad place or whatever, and I fell for it. I did love her, and I was determined that if I stuck through things, it would get better. But between all the lying, insults, and abuse, during our last fight, she took the glasses off my face and broke them in front of me. In that instant, it clicked. “She left my place and within a couple hours, she called and told me how ’this isn’t the real her,’ but I knew. I told her to come get her things and it was over. She tried over the next few weeks to reconcile, but I didn’t budge. “My glasses were broken, but everything became so clear. She didn’t love me. She was using me. “I’m now happily married with two kids. It took me awhile to trust my wife when we originally got together, to trust her love, but in time, I did, and I’m glad I’ve moved on. I don’t think it gets enough attention, but men can definitely be emotionally abused as well.” —Anonymous “He never ended up taking the GMAT or going to business school.” —Anonymous “It sounds silly, but the decline of those small gestures tipped me off. We broke up just a few months later.” —Anonymous, 42, California —Anonymous —Anonymous, 35, California —Anonymous “When we arrived at the restaurant, he parked a block away. I didn’t know that at the time exactly because he chose the place, so I figured it must be around the corner, which is already too far when you’re sore from crutches. It was FAR! I was understandably slow and he walked yards ahead of me out of impatience. At one point, I stumbled on a sidewalk crack. “By the time we got there, I was too upset to eat. I didn’t want to cry in public. He put his own convenience over my physical comfort. If he’d loved me, he would have dropped me off in front of the restaurant, then found parking. Not make me walk in crutches.” —Anonymous, 34, California “He couldn’t even write down one.” —Anonymous, 64, Florida “I knew something had shifted.” —Anonymous “Ten minutes in, he was on his phone. Thirty minutes in, he went to his home office to smoke weed and didn’t come back until the last ten minutes of the movie. There have been lots of similar things but this moment just crystallized for me that he really doesn’t give a crap about my feelings at all. “It’s heartbreaking because with our current financial and family situation, I can’t leave.” —Anonymous, 43, North Carolina “That small moment wasn’t even a fight, but it showed me that it was over and that they no longer cared about me or the random things going through my head. “Our 9-year marriage lasted another 11 months as we went to counseling but that moment was when I knew they had no feelings left for me.” —Anonymous, 32, California “For 6 years of our 10-year marriage, I had been trying to get my husband’s attention unsuccessfully. He mocked every interest I had, told me that my chosen profession was meaningless, and I was causing us to be ‘poor,’ even though I was the only one working a full-time job. I was also told not to touch him unless I was planning to have sex with him. For some reason, it took the words of someone who was almost a stranger to make me realize it was because he didn’t love me, not because of something I could do or change about myself. I guess constant gaslighting will make you doubt yourself.” —Anonymous, 42, Midwest “This happened January 2021. We’re still together. We’re roommates. No intimacy. It’s tough being an older woman and alone without family.” —Anonymous, 68, Florida “He was even snoring while I spent the whole night crying over my husband of 10 years having broken me in a million pieces. That’s when I knew.” —Anonymous, 44, Illinois “For our three-year anniversary, his card said he was excited for our future, wherever we lived. Then, he turned around on me. “He started saying he needed to ’think about’ if he was going to move with me, even though he made it seem like he was initially on board and supported my decision. For three months, he watched me pack my stuff. He watched me get moving quotes. He said that since I’d taken time to decide on which job would be the best fit after all my hard work, he should be able to take as much time as he needed to decide if he was coming with me and if he wanted to stay together. “We’d been together over three years. That was the moment I realized that he didn’t truly love me, just the convenience of us. “I told him I didn’t want him moving with me.” —Anonymous “He completely ignored what I said, and announced he’d been in contact with some car dealerships about trading in his four-year-old vehicle. He knew we couldn’t afford two new vehicles so I asked if he really felt he should be the one to get a new vehicle. After all, mine was breaking down so regularly. He turned to me and said, ‘I actually never think about what you need.’ I was stunned into silence, then realized those were probably the most honest words he had ever spoken. “In hindsight, his actions always conveyed that. The difference then was that I’d finally ‘heard’ it for the first time. He left me later that year, after I found out about his infidelity.” —Anonymous “Then, when we were halfway through dinner sitting across from one another, he said, ‘Your face looks a little different today.’ When someone stops seeing you, they’re not looking.” —Anonymous, 42, California
