Myke: And when Matty’s holding the doll house, but ONLY when he’s holding it. Jake: Literally, no man on god’s green earth is as hot as Mark Ruffalo in 13 Going on 30. He can call me anything he likes! Molly: Yes, except when he’s doing the “Thriller" dance. Jake: This might as well be Matt Flamhaff again. Yes. Myke: I would haunt his apartment any day of the week, tbh. Alice: I won’t. Because here’s the thing: Jude Law fucks. So, when Cameron Diaz’s character opens the door and a sloshed Graham is doing that unsexy little dance we all do when we need to pee and we’re trying to hold it in, he’s still hot, and he still fucks. And anyone who fucks that hard can say “good girl.” Just name the place and time, and I’ll be there. Jake: Ohhhh, he can 100% say “good boy.” He can say it while he’s crying, he can say it when he’s getting pissed at the pub, he can say it with a napkin over his face! Alice: Damn, Graham turned Jake into Horny Dr. Seuss. Alice: Actually, no. I stand by our initial assessment. Miles is a great character and a top-tier love interest, but what he isn’t is someone who can pull off “good girl.” But if Jack Black wants to come to my home and try to prove me wrong, I’ll hear him out. Jake: I have to agree with Molly on this one. He definitely could. It would be almost too sweet? But he just makes it because the charm is off the charts. Myke: I’m too distracted by the fact they’re in a Blockbuster. Blockbuster is dead. True love is dead. stares out the window, fake crying Alice: The moment Harry revealed that he couldn’t tell when a woman was faking was the moment I realized he couldn’t say “good girl,” and the rest of the movie was further proof of that fact. HOWEVER. Harry in that sweater? He can’t say “good girl,” but he can say SOMETHING, that’s for sure. Myke: I was heartbroken when they didn’t use the elixir for Casper, especially after he whispered, “Can I keep you?” But Daddy Harvey was serving looks in that oversized sweater. So, I agree with Molly. Sorry, Caspey. Maybe next time. Jake: Now, here’s where we differ, because there’s something about his cranky, sad ass that really draws me in, and I would absolutely let him call me “good boy.” Like, no doubt in my mind that this man is a freak in the boudoir. Alice: Richard Gere is in a trio of absolutely identical guys (along with John Cusack and Dustin Hoffman) who work well as rom-com leads but have the face of someone who could never pull off “good girl” in a thousand years. So, no. Molly: Bold of you to lump John Cusack in with these two, Alice. Alice: See for yourself!!! Alice: Maybe it’s just because I read a lot of contemporary romance novels, and half of them are inspired by Pride & Prejudice, but I’m never not thinking about Mr. Darcy. And when I watched this movie for the first time? Those longing glances?? His nervous but fiery attraction?????? Oh, my Lord, ’til that moment, I never knew myself. “Good girl” away, Mr. Darcy!!!! Myke: Whew, yes. They can say it in unison like a Gregorian chant. Molly: Like, all at the same time? Because I actually wouldn’t be able to handle that. Alice: We shouldn’t be allowed to list these three men together — it’s “good girl” overload. Myke: If he doesn’t randomly chew on food with his mouth open as he does in every single movie scene, then maaaaaaaaybe he can mumble something to me. Joe in Meet Joe Black with the oversized JC Penny suit? Definite yes. But only Joe, not the person who plays him. Molly: Well, I would argue maybe only when he’s eating. Alice: I would argue maybe only when he’s alone in the middle of a forest where there’s no one around to hear him say “good girl” but the trees. And even then, I’d feel bad for giving all the trees the ick. Alice: I mean…duh. 100000%. If anyone says otherwise, I will assume they don’t have eyes. Myke: I wish I could change the setting on my phone from Siri’s voice to Idris Elba’s voice. He is a special type of human being, and in this movie — I would be stepmommy in the first five minutes. Don’t play with me. Molly: When he’s reading Nietzsche and has a goatee? Probably not. But every other time, 1000% yes. Alice: Sorry to be the negative Nancy in the Paul Rudd parade, but this man has never pulled off “good girl” in his life. Clueless is the closest he’s come (pun intended???), but I just don’t think he’s all the way there. Myke: But, Alice. What about when he’s doing the “slap a da bass” bit in I Love You, Man? He was soooo adorable. Alice: Fine, sure, he can say it then. (Wow, we agree. Who would have thought? Not me!) Molly: Not in this movie. Not in any movie. Alice: In the year of the Nd Flmer scandal, I think we as a society have FINALLY moved on from gross bosses. Bye, David! If you’re lucky, maybe SNL will write a weirdly insensitive sketch in your favor. Molly: Absolutely not. Give me normal Alan Rickman, though, and then we’ll talk. Alice: I understand the irony of me saying this right after I talked all that shit about Ned and terrible bosses, but…guys. Not everyone who can pull off saying “good girl” is a good person. Unfortunately, the vibes are all there even if his character sucks!!! Myke: In The Devil Wears Prada, when she gives the position to Jacqueline Follet, and he says, “When the time is right, she’ll pay me back.” 100%, yes. Alice: 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤 That’s all. Molly: I think he could, but probably shouldn’t. Alice: This dude should probably be in jail. Molly: Maybe in, like, 20 years when he gets over himself. Jake: Ok, but he’s so hot, tho. I say big yes. Alice: I think you might be mixing up Kevin Doyle (meh) with James Marsden (🥵). Molly: Yeah, but what about when he’s singing “Bennie and the Jets” and Katherine Heigl says he’s singing the wrong words, so he says, “Sorry, lyric police”? Alice: Yasss, abolitionist king!! That’s hot. Jake: Oh for suuuuuuure. There is daddy energy happening all over here and “good ___” only feels natural to me. SORRY IF THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!! Alice: Maybe after his makeover?? But not all daddies are hot, Jake. Sometimes, they’re just…dads. Jake: Ok, and we’re just going to ignore the scene where his balls are fully in Steve Carell’s face???? Let’s get real here. Yes, he can. Myke: This is like when we put Idris Elba’s character in this list and wanted to act like it was going to be a debate. We already know this man is the King of “HEY GIRL,” so you know he’s getting an okay for me when it comes to “GOOD GIRL.” Alice: I’ve made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgement. I don’t expect to be forgiven; I’m simply here to apologize. Jake: Look, I love Emmett, but if he tried to call me “good boy,” I would laugh. I’m SORRY! Myke: Not Emmett. But Pete Komisky in Charlie’s Angels (2000). 1000% Molly: Are we watching the same movie?? Yes, especially when he says “butthead." Alice: Ok, fine. But ONLY when he says “butthead.” Jake: It would work on me, and I’m NOT PROUD of that. Myke: I plead the fifth. Molly: It’s better than “pooh bear.” Alice: These two men can pull off saying “good girl” in any context and at any age. For example, if The Sting had the exact same plot, but for some reason, they said “good girl” at least once every 15 minutes, the movie would still work. And, oh my God, if Robert Redford-as-Bob Woodward said “good girl” to me?! Sorry, America, but movie-Nixon would’ve been a forever president because I’d be too busy jumping Redford-as-Woodward’s bones. Molly: Robert Redford — yes, in any movie, in any context. Paul Newman, same — even the logo on his salad dressing could say it. Myke: This movie/character is in my Top 5. I will fight anybody about this. There will be no Patrick Verona or Heath Ledger slander in my presence. “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” was on my Spotify Wrapped two years in a row. Molly: I was always more of a Michael (David Krumholtz) girl. Myke: Alright. Alright. Alright. Ben Barry could get it. Myke: What if he randomly shouted it out while he was getting his chest waxed? That would be funny. Alice: You’ve convinced me. Myke: I love Adam in this movie! He can say it if he doesn’t do that goofy voice. Please, no. Myke: I loved this movie, and then, I found out who made it, and I was like “ew, vom.” I will give it to Gil only if he writes it down in French in his book. No exceptions. Myke: When he’s on his knees crying and praying to God before his wedding after he found out his best man slept with his soon-to-be wife? Yes, please. Myke: If he’s wearing the mascot suit, sure. (Pretends to munch on log.) Alice: I have absolutely no authority to say this, but Myke…you’re fired. Molly: He can, and I would bet money that he already has. Alice: Not a chance. But I would pay real money to see his vampire puppet musical (not a euphemism). Myke: Wait. Hear me out. What about the scene where he’s doing his little dancey-dance with the towel. No? Ok, I’ll stop. Myke: I second all the thirst Jake is experiencing at the moment. Molly: Aubrey Plaza in this, in anything. Alice: As the resident bi lady of the group, I just wanna say I would probably die for Kristen Stewart if she asked me to. Or, at least die if she called me “good girl.” Molly: NO, and she definitely thinks she can. Alice: Ditto, Molly. And I bet she also thinks she could pull off “if you want it, beg.” Myke: Bye, Harper. Myke: Brendan Fraser was my bisexual awakening, so yes. Alice: If I’m being really, REALLY honest with y’all (and this is me being vulnerable, so don’t @ me), I never got the Brendan Fraser thing. Sorry, I know. I just don’t see it. Molly: You know that scene in Blast from the Past where he cleans the cut on Alicia Silverstone’s knee and he blows on it? He could have said it right there.
