I personally don’t think this guy sounds like he’s worth your time. Sure, he floats back into your life, but has he done anything to really earn his place there? Or, does he just show up when it’s convenient for him? You’re clearly a loving person who has a lot to offer, and I think your energy is better spent elsewhere. Cut your losses. I don’t think this guy is deep enough for you. People are, overall, totally capable of change. I just don’t think this situation has had enough time to breathe and allow for dramatic change. I think it’ll likely become the same shit, different year. I feel for you, I really do. But, do as I say, not as I did. I lived and learned so you don’t have to! Plus, it could be painful for you to stick around and watch them in this new relationship. Before you know it, they could be texting you for dating advice or using you for emotional labor when they’re fighting with their partner. It would be all too easy for them to keep you on the back-burner in hopes of rekindling something when their current relationship goes south. No. They don’t get to have their cake and eat it, too. You’ve been generous with them thus far, but they haven’t treated you with kindness and respect in return. I think it’s okay to let this one go. Sending you lots of strength! Everything feels SO intense when you’re 14 — as if the stakes couldn’t be higher. But, trust me, making good friends, exploring your interests, developing new hobbies, and working hard in school are the most important things right now! Plus, doing the things you love is a great way to meet people with similar interests, which of course, could eventually help you meet someone you’re compatible with. Be kind, be a good friend, explore your passions, and get involved in extracurriculars. That way, you’re putting yourself first, but also creating opportunities to meet more likeminded people. Best of luck, my friend! I understand feeling bogged down by schoolwork, and that can also make it hard to have energy for a social life. Are there study groups you could potentially be a part of? Or, could you start one yourself? That way, you’re meeting new people and socializing, but still getting work done. Maybe there are other clubs or university organizations you could check out as well, given you have the time! You never know who you may meet. And, if you happen to find an organization you’re passionate about, how cool would it be to meet someone who shares that passion?! It can be really scary putting yourself out there, but it’s exciting, too! Good luck, and I hope you find the love you’re looking for, and the love you deserve! —Anonymous OK, maybe you don’t have a dog. Are you a part of any social media communities? If not, could you see if there are any that fit who you are, where you live, what you’re interested in, etc.? There’s gotta be an online community for knitters on Facebook or Reddit or something. Or, if you’re into video games, I KNOW their are online gamer communities. But, you see what I mean. There are communities for just about any hobby you could imagine, you just gotta find them. Lastly, your friends could play a role in your dating life as well. Go on outings with your friends where they invite their other friends. Make connections with new people; expand that network! You can do so in a safe, friendly environment with low stakes. You’re just meeting your friends’ other super cool friends. Maybe one of them is kinda cute, or one of them has ANOTHER friend who has something in common with you! Baby steps. You don’t necessarily have to walk up to someone on the street and ask for their number, but you can expand your network in less daunting ways and invite more people into your life. And then, maybe someone will catch your eye. Do you know his name? You don’t want to be a creeper, but you do want to set yourself up for success, so you might want to do some light research on him as well. Give that Facebook or Instagram profile a peek. You probably want to know if he’s engaged before you ask him to dinner, so a little internet searching can’t hurt. If you break the ice at work and establish a pattern of chatting with one another, read his body language and note his cues. Does it seem like he’s flirting with you, or is he barely grunting back responses to your questions? If he’s not interested, don’t push it. You are in a working environment, and he should not be made to feel uncomfortable. But, if you two hit it off and keep finding reasons to talk while at work, perhaps you can throw around the prospect of hanging out outside of work sometime. Maybe something will happen there, and maybe something won’t. Be cool, casual, and respectful. You don’t want to make work awkward for either of you, so tread lightly. What do you need to do in order to be happy? What does the friendship need to look like moving forward in order to protect and respect both of your feelings? Can you create a bit of healthy space between you and this person without damaging the friendship? Do you need a break from the friendship in order to gain clarity? Is this something you want to openly discuss with your friend, or is it something you need to figure out on your own? Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try dating some other people. You don’t need to dive head-first into a relationship for the sake of “distracting” yourself. That wouldn’t be fair to you OR the other person involved. But, perhaps some casual dating/dipping your toes in the dating pool wouldn’t hurt. See what else is out there. Find people who could reciprocate your attraction. Remind yourself that you’re a catch! It’s not your fault that you fell for your best friend, but it’s not their fault they love you in a different way. I understand the situation is so delicate and painful, and I’m sorry there isn’t an easy answer. Sending you love.
