Unfortunately, this isn’t the worst story I have, but it was the point at which I swore I wouldn’t degrade myself ever again by dating people who only saw me through a filter of being an Asian woman. He was one of many, many white and non-white men who said similar things to me and liked me for all the same reasons, but he was also the last. They think they can debate you into accepting your own humiliation — I don’t think so. They think it’s a compliment, but they’ll never understand how humiliating it is to realize the person you care for only likes you because of your race. They claim it has nothing to do with the roots of American imperialism and thinking Asian women are more docile, but aren’t we all being affected constantly by our history, our media, etc.? How are some immune? While I wish I could say my message to him was a wake up call for him, it probably wasn’t, and I don’t really care that it wasn’t either. I don’t hate him; he’s just on a long list of men that I have lost respect for." —Sharon, 25, Female, Washington, DC It’s comedic to me because there are men out there that still believe all Asian women are ’exotic’ and submissive. It’s comedic in a way that’s not funny at all — it’s more like, ‘Haha, the world is shit. Fuck it all, anyway,’ kind of funny." —Jnx, 33, Female, Massachusetts Even when I dated a Black guy, someone told me that Black men like Asian girls. When I dated an Asian guy as Westernized as I am, people assumed we were together because we were both Westernized Asians, not because of anything else. What can you do? The world is racist. No matter whom I date, people are going to notice first that I’m an Asian woman and draw conclusions about my relationship based on that (and his race), no matter what the reality may be. I cannot win." —Anonymous, Female, Canada • The History of Fetishizing Asian Women • Asian American Masculinity Eclipsed: A Legal and Historical Perspective of Emasculation Through US Immigration Practices • Asian American Masculinity Is Being Increasingly Celebrated. But Many Men Still Face Stereotyping.
